Thursday, April 16, 2015

The Little Things That Make It All Count

I'm so tired. I'm so tired of mopping, dusting, folding, scrubbing, cooking, driving, teaching to drive, revising homework, essays, college applications......At the end of the day, that's all I can say. "I'm so tired." At times when the 4 kids and 1 husband leave at 6:55 a.m. every morning I sit on my old little brown couch that embraces my already tired body as I wonder, "how did I get here?" or "will I ever get a break?"

Has anyone else been there? Or is it just me? I ask because sometimes from where I'm sitting on my little brown couch surrounded by the remnants of my family's early morning rush hour, I feel guilty for wishing I could be someone else at that moment. Wishing I could feel beautiful and fresh. Wishing I could be the envy of all pinners and Instagrammers  as I share my sought-after "secrets of perfect motherhood". But that's not who I am. I'm a mess most of the time and most of the time, I'm tired. 

Forgive me if I vent. But many times as I sit on my little brown couch that is exactly what I do. I vent. I vent not to my husband, not to my neighbor or my sister. I vent to my Friend, his name is Jesus. I tell Him how extremely tired I am. I tell Him that I have doubts about where I am in life. I tell Him that I feel unappreciated. I tell Him and He listens. 

Many times I don't get an immediate, "Hey! Here's what you do...." answer. But He'll give me an answer in such a simple way.

On Tuesday, this is how he answered. Through my son, Nathan. He told me, through Nathan,
"You are so appreciated!" He also told me, "You are doing exactly what you are meant to do at this exact moment!" He went on to say, "You are here not by accident but by my design and by the way, you are beautiful!" 

It was late on Tuesday about 10pm I was getting home, again, tired from the laundromat because our washer died on us 3 weeks ago. Nathan was up wanting to finish an essay that was due the next day. As I walk in he asks for help. Somewhat frustrated I tell him to go to bed and leave it there and I will "look" at it. I sit and begin to revise, remove and reconstruct his essay.  At this time Ray, my husband decides to run to the store to get some groceries for the next day. When he returns I am just about to finish editing my sons essay and as I look up he presents me with the most beautiful yellow tulips I have ever seen in my life. 

Here they are.......

As I said beautiful, right? Of course, I believed that they were from my loving husband who shares in my exhaustion. But no! Twist ending!!! They were from Nathan! My 13 year old 7th grader. Now if anyone out there knows Nathan you understand my enthusiasm. Out of all of my beautiful children Nathan is a little dry when it comes to sharing his emotions. I don't mean it in a bad way. I just mean, if this guys says, "I love you" it's because he means it. 

Nathan sent his dad a text message as he shopped. it read.....

Just when I think God is ignoring me, he answers. Sometimes I think He might be tired of hearing my complaints. But over and over again He proves to me that He is listening and He knows just how to answer. 

I was so tired that night but when I finally got to bed I couldn't sleep. I laid there with the biggest smile on my face. Thanking God for the laundry, dirty dishes and late night essay revisions.

I am exactly where I need to be right now and just for fun I thought I'd share one more of my Nathan moments.........

Nathan from Isabel Carcedo on Vimeo.

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